Become Your Best Self
Become Your Best Self
When you hear the phrase “black sheep of the family,” what thoughts come to mind? Likely, you have a negative response since the idea of being the black sheep in a family has long been associated with the outcast or misfit. Some members of your family may try to paint you as a rebel who goes against the family. But if you are standing on the truth and exposing wrong and promoting justice, being a black sheep is a blessing to those who will benefit from your tenacity.
What makes someone the black sheep in their family and when is being the black sheep a good thing? Keep in mind that a black sheep can be found in a family or organization since the two are places where values and group interests are developed and protected. This blog will explore the concept of the black sheep.
In modern society, the term black sheep refers to anyone who is considered to be different, troublesome, or strange. This can include people who don’t conform to the norms of society or people who don’t fit in with the rest of their family.
When you are labeled or treated as the black sheep, it is an agreement between the members of your family or organization to treat you differently than everyone else. They may view you as someone not having the same values or way of being as them. You are a square peg and they are round pegs. You go against the grain, and they don’t rock the boat. Their blind compliance may go back generations, and you are the generational curse breaker.
As the black sheep, you may feel left out and misunderstood. You may believe that you are alone in the world and can only depend on yourself and the mercy of God. Some members of your family or organization may slander your name and lead a smear campaign against you, especially if you have exposed their wrongdoing or rejected them. If you speak out, for example, against emotional abuse in the family or corruption in the organization, you may be ridiculed and called crazy by the other members who are in denial or trying to hide their dirty secrets.
When the rest of the family or organization are doing the same old thing, making the same mistakes and taking the same paths, the black sheep is the one who is different from everyone else. The black sheep is the one who has their own opinion. They are the ones who stand up for what they believe in, and they are the ones who don’t put up with people’s foolishness. The black sheep of the family is the one who doesn’t follow the family or organization’s norms. They are the ones who don’t do what they’re told, but do what they think is right.
Now, we know that just doing what you want is not always a good thing, especially if that person has ill intentions. I believe the black sheep designation is a good thing when that person is fighting for a good cause. As someone who speaks out against the dysfunctional family, including my own extended family, I am viewed as the black sheep in my family. And I take that and wear it as a badge of honor. Otherwise, I would join the generations of my family who have remained quiet in the face of abuse and whose silence has allowed other family members to be harmed.
If I am a part of an organization that shows itself to be dark and false, I will separate myself from them and warn others. It does not matter if my family shuns me or if members of the organization attempt to undermine me and portray me in a negative light. I know that truth always shines clearly over lies and falsehood. So, I don’t stop and keep moving forward. I don’t ask or advise you to do anything I haven’t or won’t do.
This is real life. It’s not a movie or television screen. Children get hurt and become wounded adults every day in dysfunctional families. We live in the world and have to engage with each other.
Have you ever met someone who is unhealed from childhood trauma? Sometimes they don’t even know why they are angry or sad. They may not understand why they behave as they do or why they feel so incomplete. So if it makes me a black sheep to speak out against dysfunctional families and the damage they cause, so be it.
I wasn’t always so vocal because I grew up a child who barely spoke because of shyness and fear of drawing the attention of my father, who was abusive (If you want to know more about that, you have to read my book). But being quiet didn’t mean being unconscious or unaware. I understood right and wrong, and I knew my family life was wrong. I eventually found my voice as an adult. But as an avid reader, I had come across so called black sheep in my readings and was inspired by their examples.
Both the Holy Bible and Holy Quran were welcomed in my home, and I read them as a teenager. One of my favorite things to read was the story of Joseph or Prophet Yusuf. Joseph was a special boy who was highly favored and loved by his father. His ten elder brothers were envious and jealous of him and plotted on his demise. At first, they thought of killing Joseph, but one of his brothers didn’t want to do that. Instead, the brothers decided to throw him down a well on an upcoming trip and tell their father Joseph had been killed by a wolf.
Joseph’s brothers didn’t know who he was and who he would become. Their envy blinded them from seeing how blessed and important he was. They just wanted to be rid of him because he was everything they were not. He did not fit in with their views and way of life. They did not love or appreciate Joseph. They saw him as a nuisance and if not for the love of his father and younger brother Benjamin, he would have been alone, which was his brothers’ evil intent.
The brothers carried out their evil plot and Joseph set on a path that would eventually lead his brothers back to him years later when he was living in his purpose and in a position of authority and influence over them and others. Instead of being broken and lost, Joseph was a light for others as he had healed from his brothers’ betrayal and pitied them. He showed mercy to them, something they never did for him. Joseph was the black sheep to his brothers. That’s a heck of a black sheep. Sign me up!
As a child, I related to the story of Joseph as I pondered my unstable family life and my future. I knew I was destined for more than I could see around me, and that one day, I was going to live and work in my purpose. Many people in my family and others wronged me. I wasn’t treated well. I wasn’t valued. The love my family expressed was stained by their own childhood and generational trauma. And I feel for them and pray for their healing.
But like Joseph, I went on and learned the lessons that life had to teach me to get me prepared for the role I was born to take—leader, healer, mentor, speaker, advocate, and helper. I am a black sheep, and I accept it because it has led me here to the work I love. Being a black sheep has led you to me. I invite you to find your strength and independence. You don’t have to please everyone, and you can be who you really are, who you were always meant to be, just like Joseph. Just like me.
Find yourself. I’d be happy to help you. Reach out today.
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